Becoming the Person You Want to Date

Let’s get real for a sec.

You want to date someone holy, emotionally mature, fun, active, confident, financially responsible, family-oriented, well-dressed, well-spoken, and deeply in love with Jesus.

Great taste.

But here’s the million-dollar question: Would that person want to date you as you are right now?

Too often, Catholic singles come into dating with a whole “must-have” list for the other person… but haven’t taken the time to ask if they’re living out those same ideals themselves. We dream of someone who will elevate us, heal us, help us grow but forget that we’re called to do that for them, too. Love is mutual gift, not a personal development plan.

This isn’t a callout. It’s a call up to become the kind of person you would be excited to date. Not out of insecurity or performance, but because virtue attracts virtue. And holy, healthy relationships begin with personal responsibility and the courage to grow.

Want a Fit, Disciplined Spouse?

But you have a steady diet of fast food and you’re what seems to be allergic to the gym? Working on physical health isn’t about vanity - it’s about stewardship. If you want to build a life with someone who values energy, discipline, and care for the body, start by integrating that into your life first. Take small steps: go for a walk, cook a healthy meal, get good sleep. You don’t need to be ripped. You just need to be willing.

Want Someone Emotionally Intelligent and Spiritually Mature?

But you ghost people when you're overwhelmed, vent more than you pray, and haven’t opened a spiritual book since Lent?
Emotional and spiritual maturity don’t show up overnight. They're cultivated through reflection, prayer, honest conversations, and a willingness to be uncomfortable. Journaling, spiritual direction, going to therapy, and diving deeper into your faith are ways to grow. Don’t wait to be inspired - be the inspiration.

Want Someone Financially Responsible and Ambitious?

But you’re avoiding your bank account and still believe budgeting is a form of suffering?
You don’t need to be rich. But you do need to show effort and responsibility. Are you tithing, saving, giving generously? Are you making a plan for your career or just hoping it sorts itself out? Being a good steward is attractive. It says, “I can help build a future.”

Want a Spouse Who’s Pure, Courteous, and Respects Boundaries?

But you flirt carelessly, treat chastity like a bonus instead of a baseline, and slide into DMs without a purpose?
Chastity is more than abstinence - it’s a habit of love that sees the person, not just the potential. Want someone who takes love seriously? Show that you do, too. Be clear, be kind, and be intentional in how you interact, online and offline.

Want Someone Joyful, Adventurous, and Fun?

But you haven’t left your house (or your comfort zone) in weeks?
Joy and playfulness are magnetic but they often come from people who practice joy and curiosity, even in the ordinary. Try new things. Say yes to invites. Volunteer. Travel (even just to a neighboring town). Bring some life to your life - then invite someone into it.

The Core Truth: Don’t Just Admire - Embody

A lot of us are tempted to think, "If I can just meet the right person, I’ll become better."
And sure, the right person will stretch and inspire you. But here’s the flip side: You’re supposed to inspire them, too. You’re called to be someone who doesn’t just admire holiness, health, or joy but embodies it.

Dating isn’t a job interview where you’re hiring someone to be your better half. It’s a process of mutual discernment, where two people learn how to love and lead each other closer to Christ.

So if you’ve got a list of non-negotiables, awesome. Now take that list and turn it on yourself. What would it look like to start growing into those very qualities?

Start small. You don’t need to overhaul your whole life. Pick one area and take a practical step this week. Go to the gym. Go to confession. Open a savings account. Start a prayer routine. Call your parents. Go on a group hike. Read one chapter of Love and Responsibility. Whatever the step, make it real.

Becoming the Person You Want to Date Isn’t About Earning Love.

It’s about becoming more able to give it.

And that kind of growth? That’s inspiring. That’s holy.